Just because a decision is hard does it mean it’s not the right one?
I’m currently sitting at a Love’s truck stop, somewhere in B freaking E Wyoming, without internet or phone service and replaying my recent life decisions over and over in my head, pretty much driving myself insane.
Yesterday was my first full day and night on the road to the trek towards Cali and I’ll be the first to say that it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies.
The hardest decision I ever had to make happened yesterday when I took my dog with me and took her away from my mom. My mom is literally her fav (maybe because of all the treats she gives her and how she treats her like a baby) but it was literally the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do.
For weeks leading up to my departure, I was doing the necessary prep like packing, saying my goodbyes, etc., but I don’t think the fact that I’m leaving home for good actually hit me until that last goodbye with my mom. Sure, I lived in Germany for the past couple of years but I always came home and still had the majority of my stuff in Indiana. Now, it’s all packed in a trailer being toted behind me with Cali as it’s final destination too.
For the first couple of hours on the road yesterday morning, I cried, then sucked it up, then started sobbing again. I fought the tears the entire time with the biggest lump in my throat.
My dog is a nervous wreck and the littlest thing, like a leaf for example (I’m not kidding), will scare the hell out of her. Well, what do you think a 24 hour truck stop did? She couldn’t go to the bathroom and she “ruffed” at every noise she heard. I slept maybe a total of 3 hours.
She’s a bit better today and she’s calmed down a lot but I’m not sure I can say the same for myself. I was in my own world on the drive and then I reached a point in Wyoming where I lost all connection to the outside world via my phone. Isn’t it awful what losing phone service and internet can do to you?
It took me not having a phone and feeling shut off from talking to my hubs, friends, and especially my mom to have a nervous/emotional breakdown. For almost an hour you could’ve found me in the back of a truck stop parking lot, in the middle of nowhere, bawling my eyes out and questioning every decision I’ve ever made, especially this one now.
And maybe that’s because the decision of moving across the country is SO HARD. Like harder than I ever imagined. But does that mean it’s the wrong decision?
I don’t feel like it is. I’m almost 26 and it’s time (probably overdue) to fly the nest. And what better way to do it than to live in Cali with my best friend/husband?
So, why does it feel so wrong? I don’t have the answer to that yet.
I’m sure once I get there and get settled in the emotions will subside but, until then, I’ll just throw all these crazy thoughts out there at the open road and maybe by the time I reach Utah I can give myself some answers.
Have you ever made a difficult decision that changed everything? Was it worth it? Did you feel like it was wrong at the time but turned out to be the best decision you’ve ever made?